I cannot believe that we are seven weeks on since the birth of my daughter. I have no idea where the last seven weeks has gone, what happened to them? Somewhere between the dark sleepless nights, the rocking, feeding, holding time escaped me. I’ve never passed a whole month and a half so quickly!
If you had asked me before “have you ever been tired” I would have said yes, of course. But I now know what true tiredness is, the first week I felt the effects of complete exhaustion. What with the trips back and forth to hospital false alarms, the whole induction process (which is a drawn out affair), contractions, surgery, recovery and then a newborn I was going into the whole process tired and from that point there was no good sleep.
In the first few days at home I remember hearing things, seeing my vision become blurry just on the edges, missing parts of time that I couldn’t account for. That right there is true tiredness, I was falling asleep sitting up. Not something I’ve ever been able to do, I now understand how truck drivers can fall asleep at the wheel!
But over one month on and we have fallen into a -almost- routine. A close knit family unit and everyone has a role, my husband and I share the night time feeds so neither of us are that sleep deprived, there’s a strange kind of calm that has fallen about the place.
At some point you realise, yes I can manage with this. You aren’t too tired, you’ve be able to work out how to juggle everything else that still needs doing in the day, you are actually enjoying your days alone and caffeine is your best friend. So that’s where we are, while we were at it we threw a house move into the mix. Who doesn’t want to move house with a five week old baby?
As we turn into the sixth week it feels like she was always here yet it has only been a few short weeks. In those weeks she has changed completely and it’s quite amazing to watch. She can now find her hands, track objects with her eyes and grasp with meaning.
She’s working her way through clothes much faster than I would have ever believed, I see now how much of a whirlwind this year is going to be!
It’s hard to understand until you are a parent what actually changes. From the moment they arrive there is a bond that you didn’t know was being built. Suddenly this precious cargo you’ve been carrying all these months is no longer confined to your body but is open to the world. It’s strange, when you think while pregnant “when was the last kick?”, “are they still ok?”. Yet once they make their grand exit those worries don’t leave you, you just exchange them for “are they breathing?”, “are they warm enough? Too warm?”.
Being a parent is the most selfless thing I have ever done. I’ve been vomited on more times than I can count, covered in wee, poo. Eating food is more of an epic race than an engaging escapade. But it’s all worth it, funny how everyone says that and it’s true. You put yourself, your wants and frankly biological needs lower in the priority list.
It doesn’t matter how tired you are, how hungry you might be. You’ll sit there thirsty feeding your offspring while you go without because we were built that way. The crazy bond that must have been building all these months keeps you going, and you know “this too shall pass”.